I don't even know how long it has been since I last written. So much has happened. For my friends 19th birthday back in May we went to this 21 and over club that her mom actually got us into. However we didn't drink...well we pregamed back at the house before leaving without her moms knowledge (her mom is not an idiot though, she caught on), and I pregamed a little too much. Long story short, we watched 3 male strippers get down and dirty and two of them had me feel their penis. I've got to say, looking back at it now, I would not enjoy something like that if I was completely sober. I don't know what all strippers are like, but these men were dirty. I don't want to know where their mouths, hands and dicks have been. As entertaining as it is, I would not make that my chosen profession. But hey, to each is own.
 I finishd my first year of college and right now I'm in my third semester, second year. Sophmore in college; holy shit I've always imagined what it would be like when I was younger to be older and in college and have that freedom; I can't beleieve how fast time went by. I'm a culinary major so that is very exciting to me. I have two 5 hour cooking classes; one baking at night and one actual cooking but at 7:50 in the morning! It is so hard having to wake up at 6 just for that one class. I need to really start cracking down on my school work though. I know I don't try hard enough and it's a problem. As much as I want to further my education and I like to learn, I am not a school person. School is absolutely not my forte. I can't sit in a classroom and just learn. I won't learn anything that way. It will just make me fall asleep; and I do. I can't sit down and write a paper, I can't sit down and do my homeowork, I can't sit down and study for a test. At least in my cooking classes I'm up and moving and actually doing something, actually learning. But I'm hoping I will find the motivation to get this semster done, take more credits and be able to graduate with my associates in no time. I don't want to stay at my community college.
 Work has become quite the whirlwind. One, I work with some of the best staff around. We're like a family. There is this certain group of guys that I have this connection with and they actually mean something to me; but with what's been going on I'm not so sure we're going to have that connection. But I just feel that I am not ready to lose them yet. So much has changed and some things just can't be fixed. I can say this though; At some point I want to give you a piece of my mind. You need to hear an outside perspective. You are wrong, and I can honestly say that no matter what comeback you may get me with, you will always be wrong about this. It's simple: YOU ARE WRONG! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?! I'm dissapointed and ashamed to say that I respected you. How dare you do something so shady and kniving. And as for you two, fuck the both of you! Everyone knows what's going on. You absolutely disgust me! Karma will bite you in that ass so hard you're going to need stitches! She will bite all of you in the ass. The day I leave is the day I will open my mouth and absolutely not filter myself. I know I don't have much of a filter naturally but just wait until I tell you off. You Two: I won't care who's in the room, No stupid ransom note, just straight up let you have it. Tell you how disgusting you are and if you don't stop and say something about your adulterous affair, I will!
 As for my love life...what love life. I'm such a closed off person, it's very hard for me to show emotional affection and let my guard down. So for now hook ups are what consist of my party nights out. They don't mean a thing. But as much as meaningless hot and and fun hooks can be enjoyable, they can make you feel regret, shame and lonliness. At the end of the day you're alone. Nobody actually really wants to be alone like that. Some people are just selfish and want to have their cake and eat it too.